Lil' Haunty and Ms. Raspberry's Cupcakes

The decorating of the cakes is a joyous occasion here at home. The family will get together for a night of conspiracy and cupcakes. 

Lil' Haunty is being worn by a Vanilla Vegan Cupcake with Vegan Icing. 

Since this recipe has not been patented by Ms. Raspberry, I shan't be posting it.

The Lil' Hauntys are best devoured to the friendly tunes of Cocorosie and Roky Erickson. 

Best One Yet Bagels

In my career as a bagelateer, I've concocted many a flavored bagel. Rye, 12 grain, whole wheat, cinnamon, blueberry, plain, spelt, the list goes on. But today I've decided to share my beloved.

This one is made up of 12 grain and unbleached all purpose flour mostly. I reallllllly like plain bagels but I feel too guilty eating them, so I added a tad of substance. Who am I kidding, they're way better than those plain Janes.

SO, the recipe is as follows:

1 cup warm water

2 1/4 cups unbleached all purpose flour

3/4 cup 12 grain flour

2 tbsp ground flax seeds

1 1/2 tbsp sugar

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp yeast

Procedure:

1. Pour 1 cup warm water into a large bowl, along with the sugar, and yeast. Let the yeast rise for about 10 minutes. Until it's foaming.

2. Add flours, flax, and salt mixing them together with a fork until it's time to knead.

3. Knead the dough for 7 minutes. Place it in an oiled bowl, cover, and leave to rise for 20 minutes. Until doubled in girth.

4. Remove the dough from it's incubator, and knead it a little bit, like twice, then cut it into 4-6 pieces. I like large and in charge bagels, so I just cut 4.

5. Roll them into ropes, and tie the ends together by wetting them and squishing them till they stick together.

6. Place these onto a cookie sheet covered with the saran, or something similar, and let them relax for 15 minutes. 

7. It's time to boil out the sin. Place a medium-large sized pot on the boil, with a teaspoon or so of sugar. 

8. Allow the bagels to bathe for about a minute. 30 seconds on either side. I prefer to then place them on a drying rack so the water droplets don't wet the pan. 

9. NOW we shall burn proof the asses of the bagel. Use corn meal to dip the bottoms in.

10. With your middle finger apply some virginal olive oil upon the tops. Use desired topping to now dress your bagel. EX. Poppy seeds, sesame seeds, peanuts, icing, candy, popcorn, chocolate bars, what ever. 

10. Place bagels on greased cookie sheet.

11. Bake them in an oven set to 500F until they are done. Which usually is from 8-12 minutes. 

It's 4 am now, one of my room mates is cleaning the house and drinking wine, the other one is doing his arts n' crafts, and one of them is smoking cigarettes. I'm feeling a little nutty, sitting here listening to Sam Cooke. My favorite Black Flag song is Now She's Black. GOOD NIGHT.

Zeppelin IVegan Bunz

First of all, I don't have a digital camera so we must resort to viewing my items on mac's built in noods cam.

Secondly, here I have my deliciously devious cinnie bunnies.

RECIPE: 

BUNZ

2 1/2 tsp yeast

1/2 cup raw sugar

1 cup vanilla soy milk/almond milk/rice milk (ALMOND BREEZE!)

2 eggs worth of replacer (I prefer FLAX)

1/2 cup margarine 

3 cups unbleached all purpose flour 

1 cup whole wheat pasty flour 

1 tsp salt 

FILLINZ

1/2 cup brown sugar 

1-2-3 tbsp cinnamon 

1/2 cup melted margarine 

Helpful Hints

If brown sugar has gotten a little hard for your or my liking, stick it in the microwave for a while. It solves all to most problems, but remember not everything is a pogo.

You can fix pain with kisses but not foolish burns. Wear oven mitts. 

Flax seeds have delightful amounts of Omega-3 fatty acids, prime egg replacer! 

Yeast will die if the water is too HOT or too COLD.

Use Pure Vanilla extract, even though it's like 8 dollars a bottle, fake vanilla is made out of paper factory by products (from what i've read). 

Procedure

1. Heat soy milk in the microwave until it is lukewarm. Add the yeast, and sugar and let it sit and grow and froth up for an episode of it's always sunny in philly. 

2. Put some water on the boil to create some flax eggs. Use 6 tbsp of hot water to mix with 2 tbsp of ground flax seeds. Stir them around a bit and eventually they will take on an egg like consistency. FAB.

3. Melty up your margarine, and pour it into your  yeast mixture, along with the flax eggs. Stir.

4. Add flours and salt, and mix until combined. Now, if you don't have the luxury of a dough kneading boyf at your disposal/enjoyment, roll up your american apparel hoody sleeves. TIME TO GET STICKY.

5. Knead dough to side 2 of Zeppelin IV, or like.. 7 minutes. What ever, till it feels like a juicy butt. 

6. Time to let the yeast rise. Grease up a mixing bowl, put the dough inside of it covered and allow the dough to double in size.

7. Using the rolling pin you borrowed from aunt Helga, roll out the dough into a neat and precise rectangle. 

8. Coat the dough with melted margarine, and sprinkle the cinnamon-sugar mixture over it evenly. 

9. Roll the dough into a log the size of Uncle Hans' wrist. 

10. Slice it into 9, and jam them all into a greased square pan. 

11. If you're doing this at 3 am, then you should probably cover them up with the saran and shove it in the back of the fridge till the morning. If not, let it sit for a good couple episodes of IASIP, or a truth movie. 

12. Time to bake! Pre heat the oven to 400F. Put them in for 15-20 minutes, until they are done. 

The yeast will die if you don't play it Zeppelin IV. 

I LIKE CHEESE, so I've dressed the bun in it's silky white gooey goodness....

1/2 block of organic cream cheese 

2 tbsp of margarine 

1-2 cups of icing sugar

1 tsp pure vanilla extract

1-2-3 tbsp of vanilla soy milk

Use electric mixer to mix them together. It really depends on how you like the icing on how much you use of each ingredient. 

Sarah's Strawberries

When I think about Vallytine day, I think about bastards and stupid. BUT that was last year, and the year before and before and before and again. This year, I shall dip some strawberries in chocolate at 4 am, a few days early and present them in a lovely box hidden in the fridge labeled MUCK OFF. 

A simple recipe

a cup or three of dark chocolate chips

box of strawberries

Fill up a small pot with the Evian, and put a glass bowl or what have you inside. Put the chocolate in the glass object to melt the chocolate.  Once the chocolate has reached a sufficient meltyness, dip the strawberries and then arrange them on a tin foil covered cookie sheet. Place them in the fridge until they have hardened. 

Make sure to listen to David Bowie's Labyrinth album or else they won't turn out.